A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Standing over the countertop, gripping the sides like a jumper grips the rail before takeoff, I try to collect myself.  My heart races as my mind ticks off everything that has to be done.  My breath staggers, and I wait for the tears to come.  Nothing.  I try so hard to make them come--even just one solitary tear--but nothing happens.  I stop.  I relax.  Then I laugh: I can't even remember the last time I actually cried.  I chuckle some more.  After muttering a string of profanities under my breath, I stand upright, put on my armor, unsheathe my sword and take to the street.